A Possibility

She talks. I know that she talks. I cannot hear her words. I only know that she is talking without parting her lips. I do not know the way I know. I just know. I think her silent words are good. I do not know the truth about her words.

I am here in my own space. I have been here a long time. It is warm. I am comfortable. I stretch when I am uncomfortable. I do not know why I am uncomfortable. It could be her silent words. I were uncomfortable once. I do not remember. I do not know much.

She is outside. I do not know what outside is. In my own space I am here and she is not. So she is outside. She does not come in. She tells me silent words. She knocks. I am uncomfortable. I think she is trying to come in. She does not. I feel something outside. I am sad. I do not know what sadness is. My senses do not cooperate with my thoughts.

I do not know her. I only think about her. I do not know my thoughts. I feel her. I do not know whether I am feeling her or not. I do not hear her. I do not see her. I cannot see myself. I do not see anything. I do not know what seeing is. My own space is dark. I do not know what darkness is. I do not know how I know the things I do not know. I do not know my thoughts. I think. I do not know what I am thinking.

Taste. It is a new thought. I think about taste. I do not know why. I want to taste. I think about good tastes. It is uncomfortable. I want to taste. I think I do not like this. I think about the way I know what taste is. Thoughts appear. They disappear when I think about them. They disappear one by one. What thoughts are, what senses are, what memories are, I do not know. I do not know their differences. I want to taste. I taste flavor. I think I am happy. I think tasting is a good thing. I do not know what goodness is.

I think time has passed. I do not know what time is. I do not know what passing is. I still do not know much. My own space has changed. It is not warm and comfortable anymore. Her words are still silent. I move my lips. I barely know what lips are. I cannot speak. I think about the meaning of speaking. I think I know. I could not know. Her silent action could be speaking. I think about her lips. None appear. I still do not know her.

My body is uncomfortable. My body interferes with my thoughts. It is a first. My thoughts are washed away. I have to go out. I cannot stay here. Something trickles. I do not feel good. I am not thinking anymore. I feel. I desire. Everything is certain. It is a first. I have to go out. I have to do something. Thoughts slide away. My being slides away. My body feels something. Coldness. It is coldness. I am outside. I feel the outside for the first time. My body is shrouded in coldness. I lower my eyelids. I see something. It is her. O, I think about the meaning of her. I cannot think. I know who she is. Not anymore…

Mother.

“Congratulations, it’s a healthy boy.”

At the nurse’s smiling words the woman raised her wet face. Her tear-shimmering eyes were curved with happiness. The nurse handed the child into her trembling arms. She gently stroked the baby’s face. The child was shedding tears, without knowing anything at all.

#fiction #sarahyoon