Dream

The golden stage, filled with golden scent, prepared only for me. Roaring claps from those who envied greeted me, when they call "The Oscar for the best director goes to..." I woke up; sweating and my heart pumping with shock, overwhelming my body. 14 years, I had that same dream and 14 years, had the same rush of emotions. I walked outside and looked up at the sky, knowing one day will join the birds. I started my flap with "Beside Me", and a small film festival as my first platform. The pen I held drew the eagle I once looked upon.

The preparation began. The impossible process of finding “that man” I dreamed about in that scene, starting the glorious glide I drew for so long took place. Ideal can push us, but it can also break us. I still feel the bitterness of giving up looking at the sky and finding myself still on the ground. Working with what I had, I met myself. Not a professional director who can wish and execute at will, but a normal middle school student, running around holding a script he scribbled on his laptop, asking friends to act for him with no charge. Improvising my IPhone as a camera, which recorded almost no sound, and using a tripod made out of chopsticks and rubber bands, I made progress, slowly, but always with disappointment.

Reality stayed with me and hindered me from beginning to end. With friends unwilling to act and technical difficulties beyond my capacity, I started to admit that I couldn’t draw the golden eagle. I didn’t belong in the sky. My pen, which once looked big and proud, became weak and blurry, unable to write anything special or significant. I did finish the movie, but what I created seemed totally different from what I wanted. Though my crews praised it, I could find flaws in every second of the running time. After submitting the movie to a film festival, knowing I would fail, I watched others lift up their trophies on a stage. No longer did the stage look golden, but grey. The seat I took seemed so far from those who stood on the stage. The result did not surprise me; rather it made me calm ensuring me that miracle will not happen.

When I got back home, I opened my laptop to watch the awarded movies, those lucky, professional eagles that flew so high. However, the content caught me by surprise. Unprofessional, but unique. The definition of the camera did not bring the touching emotion, but the idea itself did. I hurriedly opened my own movie “Beside Me”. “Oh… that scene…” With each scene, there came a memory. The slanted angle of the camera, and the giggling sound in the back bothered me no more. Things that presented itself as an obstacle in the past became another component we worked out, symbolizing my effort. Every static told the story of my endurance and every amateur actor showed the image of my passion. Something changed me to finally see what I should do, as a preparing movie director. The golden honor did not matter to me anymore. I held a new pen called my original imagination and unique idea, which looks a little blurry still, but hiding its infinite potential. Then, a little bird beside me got ready take off, raising his head and spreading his wings again.

#jaehyunseo