My Teenage

It's been a month since my teenage had ended. I am now 20 in Korean age. Although I sometimes argue that I am still 19 in American age, one year difference is in fact insignificant to me (at least until now), and it is often tiresome to have to say twice how old I am.

Any how I am now done with "the good times", as most adults refer to teenage. I can't sing along the verses of ABBA's "Dancing Queen" with as much expectance as I had before, as the lyrics go "young and sweet, only seventeen!", and I am no longer seventeen. It surprised me greatly when I realized I had already out-aged Liesl and Rolf in the movie "The Sound of Music" with their song "Sixteen going on Seventeen".

However, putting aside these sporadic light shocks and melancholiness, it is a sense of relief and pride that I had become a more mature person that is the most profound when I think back on my teenage.

The greatest threat against a successful teenage came when I was a freshman in KMLA. I had been running hard, doing my best in everything, but suddenly I had lost my goal. "What am I doing all this for? Why do I have to work so hard?" These thoughts settled like a dense night fog in my mind, blocking out all the passion and justifying laziness and indolence. Later on when I looked back at this period, I concluded that the loss of zeal had been the result of being worn out(or stressed out) and having lost direction.

Like a small flower petal helplessly floating and falling to the ground, pushed by wind the pulled by gravity, I felt like I was losing grip on my own life. I was doing all that I was supposed to do, diligently, in an effort to hide any signs of hardship from friends and teachers as my pride won't let me be seen as a failure, but my head was often conquered by the lure of this one word, "escape". I wished to escape from school, escape from the person who I was then.

After much consideration and procrastination, I did escape; I took a gap year. I returned to school after a year's rest, replenished with energy and confidence, and I am yet on my way to graduation. What I learned through my disquieting years of teenage was not just the fact that one needs rest every now and then. I had learned that life is not easy, that I must face obstacles and hardships to move on in life. But most importantly, I learned to be patient with myself. There is a song that goes "We are all amateurs in life, as we all face it for the first time." I can't be perfect everytime; it's only natural that I make mistakes. Thus my goal should be to fruitfully use the time and opportunity that I have to overcome the mistakes, not to push myself to be flawless in every way.

Time goes on, and I will age. A lot more than teenage awaits me. But like a rose from a cut stem that blooms more beautifully than before, I'll be waiting for myself through all hardships to finally hold a blossom of fruitfulness.

#chaewonlim #essay